The Streetwalker: Unnecessary Hazards in a Winter Storm

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Current mood:  bitchy
Category: Blogging

No I’m not talking about prostitutes. At least they have the common decency to stay on the sidewalk! I’m talking about people who – for some reason – think that the best time to walk in the middle of the road is during an icy blizzard. I’m not talking about obscure side roads either. I’m talking major routes which, in some cases, barely fit one lane of traffic in either direction when cars are parked. Streets like Bathurst and Davisville. I have even seen some of these morons walking on the winding, hilly nightmare of the Bayview extension during a snow storm.

I first noticed this bizarre behavior the year that Toronto Mayor Mel Lastman called the army in to shovel the snow, a move that made us the laughing stock of the rest of Canada. It figures that “Crazy” Mel Lastman would be the leader of the fearless idiots in this hog town. The first time I saw a streetwalker I was baffled. I hit the brakes hoping not to slide into the person who had materialized in front of my car. I thought it was an isolated case until I saw another – and another – like a zombie attack in a George Romero film.

I even know some of these streetwalkers – perhaps you are one of them. The reason people give me for this behavior is that they say the sidewalks are too slippery to walk on. Well I got news for these people: THE ROADS ARE ALSO SLIPPERY! You are just as likely to slip on the road, the only difference is you might get the added pleasure of a heavy rubber tire rolling over you. I have even looked at the sidewalks to see if they are clear when this happens and more often than not the sidewalks have been properly shoveled and salted.

As if that weren’t enough I have discovered that these people are also dangerous. Driving to work on Davisville a few weeks ago I saw four different people walking in the middle of the road. By the time I got to the third person I honked my horn. The guy turned around enraged and then did this strange physical comedy trying to demonstrate to me that he would slip and fall if he walked on the sidewalk. The fourth person saw this and decided that he would stand his ground and refused to let me drive on. So I honked my horn again. He started shouting maniacally and then slammed his fist hard into my car as I passed. In my rear view mirror I saw this lunatic running at full speed on the road trying to chase me down. (Yeah that’s right! Running! That won’t make you fall!)

The lesson I have learned from this is, if someone is doing something as crazy as walking on a major road in a snowstorm, THEN THEY ARE PROBABLY CRAZY! And trust me, if I think you’re crazy then you are probably certified.
So people, please, the roads are for driving, the sidewalks are for walking. If you slip and fall then you can enjoy the money from the lawsuit, because all you’ll get if you slip and fall in the road (if you survive) is a jay-walking ticket.

Sean Fisher 2008

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